Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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