Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
