Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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