Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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