i jhust puked up my retainher.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
