I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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