happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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