Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
