I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
