my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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