you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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