youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Everything about him screamed your future.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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