I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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