I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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