Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
