she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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