I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
