I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
