Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
