We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
