We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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