I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
