get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
birth control should be required to get into college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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