It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are my feet made of real feet?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
