At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
