She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
