Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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