When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
