you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
