Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
