he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
