he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
