Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
