the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
