I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
