You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
