New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize