That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
