we have officially lost it.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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