But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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