I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
