He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
