Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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