So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You smell like stripper and shame
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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