Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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