forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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