yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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