all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
