can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
