i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
