is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
