wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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