so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
