You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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