I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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