Your face is a jimmy john
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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