i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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