i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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