ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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