I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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