i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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