i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
