nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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