Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
