If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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