if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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